the 24th of june 2011

Today was like an okay day.... It was pretty cool at first.. With the teacher's annoucing scholarships available and all... As the day progressed, it kinda got a little bitty boring... I started out with a book... but turns out this book is a solid book... something I need to sit down and read... Not something I can just stop and pick up wherever I stopped... So well, what I did was stop reading the book(since I was progressing nowhere) and walked out of class.. Then I went over to find a friend of mine... In a different class... She, told me she wanted to go somewhere... Okay.. Well, I wanted to go elsewhere too so twas no problem for moi.. Of course, she 'TOLD' me she wanted to go 'anywhere'... If I'd knew where she'd wanted to go... Ah, well... Forget it.. Insignificant... Anyway, we went to the top floor where we both went... for reasons... not obvious kind...

Then, she started talking... to him and him... well, two him's... Anyway, I'm standing and getting my wind while she talks... While I butt in with two or three words at a time.... (hey, I'm not completely anti-social even if I want to be....) So she finally decides to go shy shy(not really.. I'm seriously exaggerating)and we both leave... So we pulled a prank on one of the him's and asked the other him to help us, thus involving him and making one of the him's a partial culprit... We felt bad after sometime(well, duh!! We aren't cold-blooded creatures...) and guilty and gave up the prank... one of the him's saw a burger and commented... and I said, " They should have had this last year..." And the him's comeback was, "well, good thing they didn't or you'll be double the size.." trust me, I saw red then.... My mood went like rocketing down.... And all he said was, " no offense.." Like what??? Just because of that I'm supposed to not care??? Who is he to judge?? (okay, totally irrelevant.... But I was just trying to point out that guys can be pretty insensitive sometimes... And my mood wasn't that bad.. It cleared up in like 30 seconds.... Just exaggerating again that's all...)

So, after that, we ate some food.... AND we went back to top floor again... Well, I was on a full-ish mood and just wasnted to be anti-sosial, so that's exactly what I did... until... well, until nothing.... So after wasting sometime...(you get it was all just to waste time, right???) I went back to class, super happy... And spent some time talking to my class teacher.... Whom we went through... Well, the whole conversation was more or less lumped together... until the part where my teacher suddenly asked me, " Are you a pure chinese??" I almost spit my water out... It was totally unimaginable... I was astounded so I took a long time to respond with a 'yea'... She said it was because she thought I was MIXED-KOREAN or MIXED-JAPANESE..... Please!! I was so flattered... Haha...

And after that, time to go back and lunch bath and so on went as per normal.... But then at my sister's centre, I had to handle the english students... Usually, I banter a lot with them and kid around with them very often.... So, I actually yelled at a guy today... Surprised?? Don't be... I was like sooooo angry due to the fact that he was purposely ignoring the fact that I was calling his name.... I called his name so loudly that almost everybody stared at me but that dude wouldn't stop... Until I yelled loudly that his folder was incomplete, which was why I called him.... I mean, I prank people, but I know thw limit... But he, he doesn't!! He already infuriated me by ignoring me one moment(In which I was celebrating until we were back to normal conditions) and then asking me one thousand and one questions... Answer for this, answer for that, etc. etc... And then, toally undermining m authority.... So yea, my fault if I can't control my anger.???? Yup... Really yup...

Then after that as marking correcting and stuff folders....
And then, dinner time... In which I ate my favourite dish, nyonya style... Then, it was home sweet home, and bakc home....
My day in semi-details...

With love,
Su.

Friends

Right, this is a new post even though it's like on the same day and it's not very much time difference between the two posts... (Actually I immediately started typing this after postint the prevous post)... Why did I put in into two posts if it was the same day? Cause they're very different topics with very different moods...

Here we go.

Has anyone heard of snobby, gaga, backstabbing, lala??? These terms are usually used to describe people, girls especially are prone to this... I'm a very blurcase person.. I admit.. I'm not up-to-date with the latest gossip(whatever...), not into the latest fashion of dressing(who cares??), not into the latest hottest guys(oh, come on.. I've lived without they're existence for so long... I'll survive just fine without them, thank you.. Altho it's pleasing to the eye to see), but worst of all, I don't have any close friend.. In the form of a human, of course... My best friend is Jesus.... Okay, this sounds weird for those who doesn't know but it's not really ewird for those who are Christians and understand what I speak of... Sorry, out of topic...

Back to the main point... Yes, those terms are usually used to describe girls... But sometime, just sometimes, and only to a minority, these terms can be used for certain type of guys... Hey, if you want to have a friend, a true friend, first you gotta treat them with all your heart.. not just treat them like they're "whatever.." type of thing... what you SHOULDN'T do, is go around telling people about what happened between the two of you, AND EXAGGERATING IT!! If you just wanna share you're hurt with somebody, just go ahead... But If you add in your own lines and words, it's like you're writing your own drama!! Hey, you're a guy, man!! Live up to that name!!

By saying bad stuff about other people not only shows your pettiness but also shows your idiocy... What other people do about their lives is other people's business... You who don''t know any part of the story shouldn't go around spreading things like that... In fact, if you were just some random spectator and just wanted to get your hands on some juicy gossip, I wouldn't actually feel this unfair.... but you are actually a FRIEND!! What kind of friend are you to do this to a person... The person treats sincerely and you repay that person by saying that person should be ****ed... I feel embarrased just writing it... I'm sure you wouldn't like it if other people did this to you.... I know that one of them i your friend, but isn't this between the two of them?? By doing this, you are only causing an argument...

The above case and yelling is actually no happening to me.. It happened to my friend... She was like so sad... In fact, this one can't be completely blamed on the person... My friend is to blame too.. By being indecisive, she managed to hurt that person and in the process, leave a bad impression.... And also, letting what pther people get to you, I find, is a very stupid thing... I mean, if that person is your real friend, he/she should be able to understand what you're going throught and not just tease you or judge you for what you're doing.. Most of the time, what people need is just a good listener..... Don't talk too much or overthing things...

Next case.... Hahaha... Very busy day I've been experiencing... This time, is a girl and girl conflict..... One girl decides to do one thing... Girl number one is worried girl number two will be angry at girl number one because of what she's doing... Girl number one decides the best way to avoid conflict is to stop talking to girl number two... Girl number two thinks that girl number one is mad at her and daren't talk to her... And because girl number two is outgoing, girl number one gets jealous of the friends(I think) and spreads rumours that girl number two will try to be the 'firestone'.. the one who causes temperatures to boil... Adding oil to the fire... Now, girl number two is angry at girl number one but daren't confront her cause girl number one is a very sensitive person and can feel hurt easily... so, both are stuff in the limbo of cold war....

Fun, huh???

Signing off,
Su.

Books

I was just reading some books that I borrowed from my friend the other day. It was really interesting(well, I find almost ALL books interesting... Not a good critic)and I got 'into' the book superfast... I think I finished it within 2 hours... So anyway, as I was reading, I reached the part where that dude was so blind... I started yelling(at the book, but more specifically at him)for being so blind.. I was yelling, "Idiot!! Idiot!! What's your problem!! Why can't you just see that she's the one!! Not her sister, whey!! WAKE UP!! Titiania(or whatever her name is) is just trying to break you guys up!! Y fo you think she would actually want to sabotage her if she wasn't the real one?? Can you be any denser...????" And so on so forth.. You get the idea... So, anyway, as I was yelling, my brother actually knocked my door.. He said, " Cant' you just get along with the book and just read it quietly???? Don't yell and disturb other people!!".. And he went back into his room..... Haha... I was like ,"Er..... OK??"

But seriously, that's of no importance.. Just that I found the whole thing pretty hilarious... And it is, when you think about it.. I mean, which NORMAL, BALANCED human being would actually talk to an inanimate object(a.k.a the book) and just get angry at it... Actually, this is a common recurrence.....I cry, I laugh, I get mad and start scolding... And sometimes, I just dream about it...
Even after I've finished the story, I can't help but re-think what happened, go through the storyline, and just giggle at my favourite parts... It's weird, I admit, but hey, it's how I am.. I don't care(in theory) of what you think of me.. I care that I'm enjoying myself and that I'm having fun... Again, just in theory... 'Cause like in reality, there's no such thing as all play and no work... It's supposed to b a balance of both... And I totally admit that I suck at it.... The balancing part, I mean...

I've told myself to stop reading books staarting from july until after SPM.. I'm not really sure I'll be able to do it.. But one thing I know for sure, is that if I don't stop reading novels, I'm gonna be in BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG trouble... I'm that kinda of person who can drop everything and just read my book... Of course, by drop evrything, the evrything excludes a good serial show...

Oh, yeah, I've gotta say, I'm a TEENSY, WEENSY, BITSY addicted to books and also I bit not too teensy, not too weensy, not too bitsy bit addicted to moveis.. It all started during the semester break!! I started one movie, speedwatching style, finished and started show marathon... It was crazy!! And also some books that I started reading.. This kinda caused me to get hooked on it.. All over again!!! so, right now, two weeks into the school week, I'm still reading books!! This is where I put my feet down and say that if I continue at this rate, I will never ever be able to pass ANY of my public exam subject.... So, on the 2nd of July, I will do a big business, clearing my books of novels and put it ALL outside, in the living room area, so I won't be tempted by it when I study proper stuff...

Because when I see how those crazy 1st class people's room look like, I feel like fainting.. It's such a drastic difference.. Like earth and sky... I guess, like how my piano teacher used to say, " It's shape up or ship out!!!" I hope I have the disiplin to go throught with this plan, rotten though it is, and emerge successfully... And hopefully I don't get permenantly damaged...

Another crappy post from,
Su.

Reflection

I've been thinking about a lot of things since school reopened. A lot of things that I avoided during school holidays time, I had to face. After hearing some shocking(but after further consideration, not-so-shocking) news, I kinda realised the seriousness of the matter. You see, all over the world, boy-girl-relationship is becoming a very liberal thing. It has become... Well, for lack of a better word, a hobby, or perhaps a game to most. It's not a serious thing anymore, not a prerequisite for marriage, not a tool to getting to know the other person more to spend the rest of the life with.

Cut the crap.. Basically, I realised whatever I believed in before this about people,wasn't fully true... But then again, I haven't really been very good judge about people.. It's really weird for me to see people taking relationships so lightly.... What surprises me even more is that even christians do this kind of thing... I'm not saying that christians are perfect or that christians are supposed to be super holy or stuff like that...What I mean is that christians are supposed to operate on a different measurement of moral values.. I thought christians were, at the very least, able to handle things with more logic and common sense than just doing it and bothering about the consequences after...

This whole piece of blog is crap... I don't expect anyone to even feel that it makes sense... What makes me feel so sensitive about this whole freaking topic is that it's so unfair!!! Some guys know that they're good-looking and take advantage of that... And I'm not just judging guys, I'm judging girls... As if it isn't hard enough for guys nowadays to contain they're lust, girls wear such revealing clothes, clothes that hint of something more underneath.. I find it vile, and disgusting... HELLO!!! Come on!! It's your life, girl!! What's your problem?? You wear clothes like that, don't you understand?? It's stupid!! Ok, for guys, clothes is soooo not the problem...
In fact even if you're well-built and everything, I'm still not interested.. I'm more interested in your brains.. If you're just a pretty boy with no brains, your looks are so not gonna cover it... And one more thing, just because a girl throws herself at you doesn't mean you have an excuse to take advantage of her!! BE a true gentleman and push her away.. Whether you have feelings for her or not is NOT the problem!! The problem is, you're not old enough to take full responsibility for other people's life!! And sex before marriage... URGH!! How do you know you're gonna get married?? And sex is a COVENENT of marriage!! It's something for the after.. it's like taking dessert before the main course... like mock cocktails against cocktails!!

Okay... I'm feeling much better now fter the rant.. I don't need anyone to see this... I'm just happier now that I've wrote it down... Good day world.. I think I've addressed most of the topics that's bothering me.. for now...

Su..

End of Holidays

Today is the last day of the term of holiday..... I feel somehow excited and yet feeling a bit pek cek.. I have nothing to say. It'll be the shortest blog of all history....

Hi, Holidays

Anyway, now I feel really really depressed.. Guess why? Cause of internet connection being sucky.... I finished typing the post and then my internet became a useless piece of crap. It didn't even save my unfinished post.. so right now, I'm retyping it with a completely different mood.
I'm not a storyteller, not a poet, not a good musician, not a good student... If anyone just took my place, They'd do so much better.. Like Bella says, all i can do is hold on until some help comes. Okay, that is not what she said exactly, but just speaking in context. I'm just too lazy to go and find out what she said exactl and quote. And I have NOT been re-reading twilight, cause if I had, I'd be able to quote word for word without referring. So basically, I'm a mediocre person...
This morning I woke up, missing somebody I didn't miss at all since holidays started. I woke up suddenly from that dream(1st dream I remember since really young... ) and the residues of feeling just caused me to start crying... Crying once I woke up is a seriously bad idea.... It shows the rest of the day in a depressing light.

Anyway, for today, I wanna try to write a story to just see how it goes..

I woke up to the scent of rotting rubbish and stuff. The smell emanating everything everywhere made me wonder what made those around me be able to ignore it so easily. The stench was just so overwhelming. Even after 3 days in this hellhole, I couldn't get my nose used to the horrible smell. I know, it was shallow of me to be thinking of smells when we had just gotten out of captive from prison. Sorry, I totally forgot. As my mamma would say, " Where's your manners, gal?". So anyway, my name is Shirla Maureen Oakley. My parents died when I was 12. And I'm 16 this year. By the way, The year 3028. Oh, yeah, before I forget, I'm part cyborg. As is everyone else in the world. Well, in year 2088, the ozone layer of the world(I heard it's the protective layer of the world from the sun or something) kinda broke into pieces and kinda sorta disintegrated. I'm not exactly sure how that works. Anyway, everyone becomes cyborgs once you're born. Those 'healers' kinda place some chip in your body to ensure you grow up with the cyborg-ism installed in you. I think our cyborg system helps us to process the air around us and change it into breathable and usable air. The cyborg part of us also protects us from the stupid UV(ultraviolet) rays from the sun. That, I can testify. That's how we kill, you know. We pull out the cyborg part in a criminal and send them out into the air. Rcently, though, this tactic hasn't been used on criminals anymore. Due to the fact that there are NO criminals. Well, This has been used on people trying to start a revolution. Like Danial and Eriqa. Daniel and Erica are kids. Like me. But they are cunning. They somehow manage to escape from any consequences. While I got into prison.

Er, feedback to me what y'all think... My 1st tryout...

Somewhere

I was supposed to this like on monday but so many things happened... 1st is I got hungry... 2nd is I got sleepy then my life officially went back to routine... And I got so lazy to write until now when the laptop is in easy reach...

So anyway... Y I said I wanted to update my blog on Monday was coz I just came back from Vietnam.... It's a really awesome place... Everything there clean, food is yummy... Motorbikes on the roads are overwhelming.... And what's more, I did a whole lot of walking.... So naturally, lost some weight..... You know how people say Vietnam is dirty and so on so forth?? Well, found out for myself that they have SUPER clean toilets... EVERY SINGLE toilet I went to was neat and tidy.. Not marble-topped sinks or gold-gilded doors... Nothing so fancy but interesting and clean.... Like SPARKLING clean... You don't see black lines on the toilet seats, no shoe prints and the flush are all in order..... btw, interesting way of flushing... It's like a quadrilataral-ish shape that u 'roll'/press down.... like a cube jutting out... Ah, I don't know how to explain... Anyway, it's different from over here.... The food there are a bit on the savoury side but not too oily... What's better, IT'S HEALTHY... One whole plate of raw vegetables for each person, EACH MEAL.... How not to be healthy??? And it's also less oil... You don't see a whole layer or oil... You see small oil bubbles here and there and that's it... And I kinda understand y Vietnamese are darker... That's coz, most of them either walk or sits motorbikes, where there are no shade.... so for people like me, sweat like nobody's business... But it was fun... Navigating the streets and the currency... very very nice... Hahahaha... We also went on a barge for dinner... During dinner, there were performances... Very very thin ladies dancing and playing their traditional instruments.... Even with TEACUPS.... I tried playing.. FUN!!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, we went fa water puppet show... I tried taking videos... And I made a mistake... Din take the finale or the beginning.. WHERE IT WAS D MOST INTERESTING!!! GRRR!!! I felt like pinching my whole skin off.... Ish ish.... When I should do extr, I do under... When suppoed to just do enough, I do extra.... something wrong ith moi... Anyway, that basically sums up most of my trip...

Ending... :D
Su...

Secrets

Today was a really nice day... Maximum I'll give is 7/10....

Sometimes in life(like today), you do some things that people find utterly pointless or no reason behind the action, but a side trip from the main road usually gives you some extra and surprising information... Today I gained a lot of perspective in life... I realised that things can't be judged so easily.... Maybe I've been too judgemental and too stereotyping... I hope that I can change for the better, with God's help....

THAT was my general summary... Or rather, it was the main idea of the day...
THIS is the subtopic... Round 1 of RS has been rather successful.. In two days time, it'll b time to put in action Round 2... Round 3 will be next friday starting off... Then exams and Round 4 will b during the holidays.... By that time, if all goes smoothly, I'll recover fully and back to normal... The above is meant to be vague... If you can't understand, don't bother asking the details....

I've been debating within myself what I should do about myself... I just realised how blur we can be.. I JUST recently realised what I should have done.. Put things in God's hand... Now, I'm placing everything to Him... For He has said, "...for my yoke is easy and my burden is light..." So, I have decided to share my burden with Him....

This post is supposedly entitled "Secrets" but I ended up going away from the topic... Id' suck at writing any novel or whatever... Anyway,coming back, I've realised the more time I spend with people, the more my secrets are being slowly opened.. Actually, I don't really have secrets, but I normally don't divulge everything about my life to other people.. Like one of my friends said, " I never knew about this this this and that that that.."... I learnt from the very beginning, that when you share things with people, you arm them with the most poisonous and mst hurtful weapon... I've learnt that when my supposed 'secrets' are spread, I get very bad results so I've learnt to keep to myself and stopped trusting people TOO much.. I mean, I still trust people, b I don't make anyone close to my heart.. I used to share my secrets to my dog, but then she died... Hahaha... Talking to my dog makes me so much more relaxed... After that, everything started building and building.. People say writing in a diary helps and I've tried, but it doesn't help that much, so I've resorted to talking to walls...Which is much much more effective.... And when I found someone, I got a bit too desperate and scared said person off... Right now, I'm being relatively vague but the smarter people should be able to glean the basic context.. This is actually better than diaries but worse than walls... I need a dog soon... Haish... The secrets people tell me can just start spilling out of my ears... Teachers secrets, friends secrets, relationship secrets, bgr secrets, school secrets, marriage secrets... etc etc... The only thing
I'm missing, is national secrets then I'll have all the categories already... Hahaha.. As per se, I'm crapping... So right now I've fulfilled the topic and I can post this with a clean conscience....


Ending here!!! :)


Su.
P.S: Hopefully my 'round' planning thingy works... Otherwise I'll be in big trouble....

Awesome....

This week was an awesome week....I mean, altho the week hasn't ended and there's been it's ups and downs, overall, it's a great week.... I got to know some new guys.... Give some space with my old friends.... Learning to forgive.... Learning to get used to people changing... Best of all, MUSIC!! We had fun!!! With music...

You know how people always say: "If only I could do this...", "If only I could do that..."?? For me, all my life, there wouldn't be A THING that I'd change in my life....Even if I could go back, there's nothing I'd miss, add, re-do.... Because it's those mistakes that make me, me.... It's because of mistakes that make me realise my true friends, my weirdly close friends and my normal friends whom I'll have to stay away because of their change of views, principles so on so forth.....

One thing I really can't comprehend.. The increase of BGR in schools among teenagers.... I'm really not judging anyone, but I don't get what's d reason...Of all the reasons I've heard, the best is a girl telling me: " He asked me and I said 'yes' "... At that point, I wondered.. What really causes people to "couple up"(for lack of a better term)?? I guess it's the stress, the whole pressure thing... But if that's the case, how did u manage for the earlier part of your life???

Haha... My exams are next next week, and I'm worrying about things like this... How childish... This is how I am... Conflicted, blur, undecided, worse of all, judgemental...These are my flaws, but I am not perfect and I'll never be... But I'm a work in progress...

So, since I have finished jotting down my thoughts for the time being and my niece is tugging at my shirt and others, it's time to sign off....

Su...

Japan....

Recently I've heard loads of stuff from my friends about the Japan earthquake+tsunami. One weird thing that struck me is how everyone just seems worried about what will happen to us HERE, in Malaysia.... No one talked about helping them or even thinking about them...

Today I went to church and pastor actually was talking about this earthquake; what was the prophetic meaning behind it, what the bible says about it and some other stuff which I heard but didn't 'speak' to me....Much..
I realise most of us are having the spirit of complacency. We're in our comfort zone, contentful with our status quo , unconcerned and indiffernet to things happening around us....
Complacncy is when we are devoid of feelings. Our spirit has gone to sleep, our nerves have been numbed, dull to the point where we cannot even see or sense that the times a=have changed and it is TIME TO GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE!!!! Wake up!!!

In the sermon, there was part that I really remembered..
People who are complacent, they are like "wine left on its dregs".Anyone heard of that saying???
Ever wondered the story behind it??
In the old times, wine was made from grapes. Before it could become wine, it had to be left with sediments, for a certain time. Then, when the grapes had become wine, it had to be poured out from the jar and separated from the dregs. If it is left there, the wine will harden together with its dregs and stick to the edges of the wine jar until the whole jar has to be destroyed.
Moral: Complacency hardens a person and causes indifference and also intaminates others. Complacency is not a neutral spirit. It intimidates people, even passionate people, and causes them to pull back and give up.

Quote: The only thing neccessary for evil to triumph is for good man to do NOTHING.(Edmund Burke)

Conclusion: We HAVE to do something, NOW!!!